For a long time, I believed there were only two options.

You either stayed in full attachment-mode: co-sleeping, feeding back to sleep, responding instantly through every wake-up, letting a wriggly toddler kick you all night long while sacrificing your own rest and sometimes even your mental health…

Or you chose sleep, usually by separating at bedtime and trying some version of sleep training, often involving crying and detachment, and you just hoped it wouldn’t cost your connection.

And honestly? Neither of those options felt good.
Neither felt sustainable.
And neither spoke to the kind of parent I wanted to be.

So if you’re reading this from that same place, if you’re in the thick of night after night of broken sleep, wondering how long you can keep going, or wrestling with guilt over choices you’ve made in pure survival mode, I want you to know this:

💛 There is a third way.
💛 You’re not broken.
💛 And you’re not alone.

Aware Parenting offers a new lens.

The first time I heard the idea that we don’t have to choose between deep rest and deep connection, I cried. I was listening to Marion Rose’s podcast, The Aware Parenting Podcast, I can’t recommend it enough and she dives deep into this concept. I recommend listening to Episode 125: Sound sleep and secure attachment.

Because up until that point, everything I’d read, watched, or been told made it seem like I had to choose. That I could either nurture my child’s emotional needs or mine, but not both. That attachment and sleep were incompatible. That the best I could do was just “get through it” for a few more years.

But Aware Parenting, along with everything I’ve since learned from Circle of Security, Robin Grille’s Inner Child Journey, and Lyndsey Hookway’s Holistic Sleep Coaching — offered something entirely different.

It helped me understand the root causes of sleep challenges.
Not just the surface-level behaviour, but what’s really going on underneath.

And that’s where everything began to shift.

So what is this third way?

It’s a perspective that asks different questions.

Not “How do I get my child to sleep?”
But “What’s getting in the way of their natural ability to sleep?”

Because sleep is natural.
Children are wired to rest, just like us.
But just like us, they need certain conditions in place for that to happen.

And according to Aware Parenting, there are three key ingredients to sleep that is deep, restorative, and truly nourishing:

1. Feeling sleepy

This might sound obvious, but hear me out.

So often we try to get our kids to sleep on a schedule, 7 to 7, wake windows, routines that promise predictability, but if their body isn’t ready, we’re fighting biology.

Ever tried going to bed early because you’ve got a big day tomorrow?
And instead, you just lay there, wide awake, mind spinning?

It’s the same for our kids.

But promoting tiredness doesn’t necessarily mean finding the right wake window or having the perfect calming bedtime routine. It means finding the right release mechanism for relaxation to take over and tiredness to come naturally.
Often our children’s bodies are wired, agitated, and holding onto unexpressed stress — making sleep feel harder, not easier.

That’s where we see things like:

• The “witching hour” in babies
• Hyperactive behaviour in toddlers
• Constant requests, story after story, delaying tactics at bedtime

From an Aware Parenting lens, these aren’t “bad behaviours.”
They’re invitations to release.

Whether it’s crying, laughing, raging, or playing — children often need to discharge emotional tension before they can truly let go and sleep. It’s the nervous system’s way of rebalancing. And when we support that process (instead of suppressing it), we support deeper rest.

2. Feeling connected

From a biological and evolutionary perspective, a child cannot fall asleep unless they feel safe. And what signals safety to a young nervous system?

Connection.

That’s why so many children need us right there at bedtime, even if they seemed fine all day. It’s why they ask to be held, nursed, stroked, or simply lay next to us. That presence tells their body: You’re safe. You’re not alone. You can rest now.

If we try to separate before they’re developmentally ready, they might still fall asleep, but often with control patterns (things like thumb-sucking, clinging to toys, tension in the body, dummy use) that help them cope with the lack of connection.

Again, this isn’t wrong or shameful, it’s a dissociation strategy. Just like we might reach for a glass of wine, or watch our favourite TV programme to “switch off” at the end of a busy day. We’re not really clearing any residual stress, we’re just suppressing it for a while. But it always comes back to bite us.

But there’s another option.

💛 Through co-regulation, closeness, and (yes!) attachment play, we can meet the connection need directly and in doing so, we decrease the dependence on those coping mechanisms over time.

3. Feeling truly relaxed

This one is a biggie, and often missed in other approaches.

Mainstream advice tells us to help our kids relax:

Create a wind-down routine.
Use calming music.
Bounce, rock, pat, sing…

And while these tools are beautiful when used with intention, they don’t always get to the root. Because true relaxation, the kind that supports deep, long, uninterrupted sleep, doesn’t come from external inputs.

It comes from emotional release.

Think of your own life.
Ever had a good cry and then felt so much more relaxed and perhaps tired afterwards?
Or had a stressful day where your body just couldn’t settle, no matter how many candles or meditation apps you tried?

That’s the difference.

Children who are carrying accumulated emotions, from small daily stressors to big life changes, need support to release those feelings. That might look like:

• Crying in your arms
• Staying with a full-blown toddler tantrum
• Wild, silly pre-bed play
• Big bursts of laughter

When we hold space for these moments, without trying to distract, suppress, or “fix” them, we’re supporting true relaxation. And with it, true sleep.

This is what I help families with.

It’s not a method that requires ignoring your instincts.
It’s not a rigid routine that promises magic.
And it’s not just talking without any real change.

🧡 It’s practical.
🧡 It’s rooted in nervous system science and attachment theory.
🧡 And it’s about helping you meet your child’s sleep needs without sacrificing your connection, or your own wellbeing.

We use tools like:

• Attachment play to deepen connection and promote laughter
• Supportive boundaries that honour everyone’s needs
• A deeper understanding of your child’s emotional world
• Strategies tailored to your family’s rhythms and values

And if you’ve done sleep training and wish you hadn’t…

Please hear this: There is no judgement here. I did exactly the same.
We all make the best choices we can with the information and capacity we have at the time. We can’t act on knowledge we didn’t have!

And one of the most beautiful things Aware Parenting teaches is that connection can be repaired.

Attachment is not all-or-nothing.
You are not too late.

So what now?

If this sounds like the kind of support you’ve been longing for, a way to help your child sleep better without compromising your relationship, your intuition, or your peace, I’d love to support you.

✨ Click here to read more about how I work with families.

You don’t have to wait years for sleep to return.
You don’t have to choose between your needs and your child’s.
There is a third way, and it’s kind, it’s clear, and it works.

You’re doing an amazing job.
And it’s okay to ask for more support.

I’d love to be there for you.